Dear Sisters and Brothers,
We all know those moments when we feel most comfortable when we are alone. In silence and retreat, a deep peace seems to reveal itself, far from the tensions and challenges of being with others. As long as we do things alone, we do not come into conflict with other people. It is a kind of protected space where no one contradicts us, challenges us, or requires us to correct ourselves. But the peace we feel in solitude is only half the story.
As soon as we begin to interact with other people, to engage with them and enter into relationships, it seems as if that peace is disturbed. We encounter opinions that are not our own. We are confronted with expectations and needs that disrupt our plans. Yet it is precisely here that a deep, divine opportunity lies: contact with other people gives us the opportunity to see things differently. We learn new things. We are corrected. And yes, mistakes that we might have made on our own are avoided.
Human beings are made for relationship. We need community. We need social contact, as challenging as that may sometimes be. Today's readings speak of exactly that – of relationship. First of all, of the relationship between God and humankind, which has been at the center of creation from the very beginning. Then of the relationship between man and woman, as described in the Book of Genesis. And finally, of the relationship between people, as suggested in the Letter to the Hebrews.
Just to get a picture about the situation in our society:
Nearly 40 % of the persons in the US are single.
There were 37.9 million one-person households, 29% of all U.S. households in 2022.
In 1960 single-person households represented only 13% of all households.
Marriage is a particularly strong symbol of these relationships. It is a sacrament in which two people say “yes” to each other – a yes that does not just apply to a moment, but to a lifelong relationship. And it is a sacrament because the work of God becomes visible in this relationship. From the beginning, God did not want man to live alone, but in community. Marriage and community are, so to speak, sacraments of relationship.
We also find this principle in religious life. In religious profession, the monk promises to remain faithfully united to his abbot and to his community, and the community promises the same to him. A bond of belonging together is created, which grows not only through harmony, but also through challenges and sometimes through suffering.
And this is precisely the crucial point that is often overlooked: we grow together by also suffering with and because of each other. The letter to the Hebrews says, “He became perfect through what he suffered.” This is the example of Christ, who passed through his suffering to new life. Christ showed us that true growth often goes through the cross of suffering, through giving up selfishness and through getting involved with others.
A good relationship – whether in marriage, in the family, in the community or with friends – is not simply given to us. It is a task. It requires us to get involved, to give in, to forgive. Without this willingness to give and forgive, we cannot develop a mature relationship. As long as we remain on our own, without having to adapt to others, we may have peace, but it is a stagnant peace. We stand still, we do not grow, we do not mature. and if we read on in the Book of Genesis, we come to the passage where the two of them run away. When things get difficult, they run away. It seems to be something people do from the very beginning. But it is not the solution.
Jesus once said: “Because your hearts are so hard, he gave you this commandment.” Those who do not open themselves to others remain hard at heart. This hardness prevents us from growing and maturing in life. Only by allowing ourselves to change can we truly live. God has designed life for growth. And growth always happens through giving, through sharing, through togetherness.
Of course, it is painful to give up something of ourselves – especially when we are firmly convinced that we are in the right. But it is precisely in this pain of letting go that the key lies. Because in the end, the tensions and conflicts that we may have experienced can give rise to a shared path that both parties in the relationship can follow. In monastic life, it is the path of community that unites us all.
Dear Sisters and Brothers, our life is not meant to be lived in solitude. It is designed for us to enter into relationship with one another, to learn to engage with others and to grow in this community. The peace we feel in solitude is deceptive if it prevents us from experiencing the fullness of life that is given to us in community. May we have the courage to engage with one another, to grow with one another, and to walk the path of life together – as God intended for us.
Amen.
~Prior, Fr. Anastasius Reiser