Jabin's Prayer

Dear monks,
I am experiencing a common trend of defeat, feeling below adequate, and physiological problems. I have been suffering from schizoaffective disorder and it definately impeeds on my abilities to function.
At one point I wanted to join the airforce but am unable too. I miss work and school sometimes because of depression. I have such a low self esteem at times that I avoid confrontation.
I am a gifted person but I lose interest in almost everything and am extremely undisciplined.
I am not satisfied with my life. I have attempted suicide on multiple occassions.
I just recently moved to Lincoln and have aspirations here, but I feel like Im failing myself everytime I give up and stop trying. I wish to liberate myself from this mental captivity. Suicidal ideations are not about me trting to kill myself as much as trying to escape.
I feel at times life is overwhelming and I have reasons to live and also that my dreams are possible. Im not giving up. Im just having a dark day. I dont want to be miserable anymore.
Please pray that I become satisfied.