No friends, no wife, no family (they are evil). No money, no hope. No energy (extreme exhaustion). No joy. No foundation (I look back and don't see God). When I was a new born lamb Jesus (The Good Shepard) threw me into family (narcissist) that was a pack of wolfs in sheep's clothing. My father once knocked me out on the garage flood hovering over me saying "I'm going to make your life miserable" and he meant it. And did it. Now I'm 59 years old. Mentally, socially, psychologically scared. A life of broken dreams, stagnation, loneliness, struggle. Misery. Like in The Book Of Job, God gave the devil (while I was still good) to attack me. And he has been doing it ever since. I am overwhelmed. It's too much. I need the load taken off me. Without a foundation, when temptation comes I'm like a house built on sand. My faith in not only God's existence, but his goodness is dangerously low. I'm talking spiritual danger. I repent, backslide, repent, backslide. The bible says God is not a man that he should lie. Yet, when I call him on his promises, I am disappointed when he doesn't honor or them which chinks away at my already weak faith. For instance, I've prayed for a Godly wife all my life, but well up to pushing 60 years old I'm still alone. Yet, the Bible says "It's not good for man to be alone". Jesus says, "Come to me all who are heaven burdened and I will give you rest. My yoke is easy, gentle" "Call to me and I will answer" yet there is no rest when I call out to him and it's hard not easy. I constantly fall into doubt and sin. Because of this I'm worried about my salvation. The bible says "He who begins a good work in you will not stop until it's finished". Please pray God begins the good work in me of making sure I get to Heaven in the end. Many perish through the wide gate. I don't want to be one of them. And in that work, pray he is gentle and takes the load off. I'm like a camel with an already broken back and too much of a load on it. Neighbor plays music loud, apartment below code and freezing, management won't fix, code enforcement doesn't answer phone, on and on and on